Participation Grade: 100
So this is my first blog post and I'm not sure if I'm doing this right or not but whatever. To be 100% honest, the first day we did meisner I was scared shitless. I grew up as a commercial baby, where your smile and laugh get you the job. We did these acting exercises and all of a sudden I'm actually allowed to not be so cheesy and I have the ability to access all of my emotions and actual thoughts. Even a week into school and I still crack jokes when I'm supposed to be focused during the acting techniques. I have a mind set that if I make someone laugh or if I look really cute than I did a good job. Even though I know that commercials look great on a resume, I'm honestly sick and tired of playing the same damn teenage girl role over and over. I got to test the waters of a more in depth role when I worked on The Meth Project with Darron Aronofsky, and it was the first time I actually felt like a real actress. I also feel like I got a different level of respect from the ADs and the rest of the crew then I usually do. I actually worked with one of the ADs before on another commercial for a little toy microphone and he was so mean then. I remember he yelled at me for going to the bathroom after I had asked him two minuets earlier if I could. But when I was on set for The Meth Project, he treated me like a princess, whatever I wanted he went out of his way to get it for me. This class really takes me out of my element and makes me feel so uncomfortable but I'm starting to notice that I have to let myself feel uncomfortable and let myself mess up and get embarrassed and push myself to try and act like I'm not trying to sell something. If I don't I'm never going to book the roles that I desperately want to book and I'm going to be stuck in commercials for the rest of my life and that's my biggest fear.
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